Sometimes, life in my head is not easy.
Yesterday I watched the Panorama documentary ‘’Disabled or faking it’’, the sad but true tale of how our present government are doing their very best to prevent legitimate claims for disability related benefits being awarded to genuinely sick and disabled people. Naturally I was enraged (and very sad), some of those cases were heartbreaking. Today, while shopping in my favourite discount store, I came across a local disabled lady using a mobility scooter who was complaining loudly to any one and every one in earshot, about the programme, the system, the government, the lack of empathy etc, etc, etc………..naturally I whole heartedly supported her.
My rage at the injustice of our system rose. And then, while complaining loudly, she said ‘’well if they do stop this I’ll just have to live on my £250 per week and I know I can’t manage on that’’. I thought that was a bit odd, I had assumed she could lose every thing because of the system, turns out she was going to lose part of her benefit and be left with £250 per week; and that’s more than I get to live on every week. Then my poor muddled mind felt very guilty, did a bit of a flip and thought maybe her needs were much greater than mine, maybe she has to pay carers or something. So by this time I’m feeling angry with the government, sorry for the disabled lady and guilty for questioning the amount she receives. I thought I recognised myself falling into the ‘divide and rule’ trap the government set for us……………the ‘pit the poor against the poor’ strategy, it always works. So now I’m feeling stupid for falling for it as well as guilty for questioning her and again; she had my whole hearted support.
And then……………she committed the ultimate crime. She started saying how the government ‘let all these foreigners in’ and how these foreigners cost so much and how if they all went home and the government stopped any more coming in we (presumably she meant the indigenous British population) would all be so much better off.
Well that was it. She lost my sympathy vote and I left. Off I went, losing all sympathy for this stupid bigoted lady and did what I had to do and then went home.
But…………..my restless mind doesn’t like letting go. So this evening I find myself revisiting this scene, I’m plagued with thoughts of;……..ummm yes well she IS bigoted and stupid, but being bigoted and stupid isn’t exclusive to the able bodied and her moral judgments don’t actually have any baring on her right to benefits. So now I’m feeling guilty again, because I allowed myself to be distracted by the irrelevant. I’m also mad as hell with the government for putting so many people through this bloody awful, cruel, stressful and completely ‘not fit for purpose’ assessment for disability benefits. I feel sad for all the people who have suffered under this system and have every sympathy for those who stand to lose some or all of their benefits. I’m also angry with ignorant bigots (able bodied or disabled) who only add more pain and distress to an already bad situation.
Like I said…………..its not easy living in my head
Another Christmas come and gone, all that worry, all that preparation, spending, wrapping, posting, buying and ''organizing''.............all done and dusted for another year. And I'm happy to report I've survived this mammoth, annual, stress-buster more or less intact.
Everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) was completed in my house by the morning of Christmas Eve. Two of my three daughters and ALL of my grandchildren were visiting and eating lunch in my house that day, the other daughter had to work which was a bit of a shame. After lunch I went back with my eldest daughter and her daughter to spend Christmas with them. Back at her house we, that is the granddaughter and I, made mince pies, did some last minute wrapping, made orange and clove ball table decorations and made our authentic yule log out of cotton wool, old Christmas cards, glitter and a piece of driftwood. After our evening meal off we all went to the town square to participate in Carol Singing and Mulled Wine, accompanied by the local brass band, and all very civilized. Unfortunately, I forgot to take my camera so the only photo I have is a very poor quality snap taken with my 'phone. Better than nothing I guess.
Christmas day started at about 4 am. This is when my granddaughter woke up for the first time and asked me for the time, she then woke up more or less every half hour until 6.30 when I allowed her to put the light on and start chatting, at which point she woke her parents and Christmas day began in earnest. It passed in a blur of food, wine, movies and the sound of wrapping paper being torn apart with great gusto. By the evening exhaustion set in and off to bed we went, grateful to sink into oblivion. Thankfully every one slept quite late on Boxing day and after a late, leisurely breakfast (did I really need MORE food??) my bags were packed and I was taken home..............so.............here I am.
Post Christmas, back in my own little house, alone, mulling over the events of the last couple of days and thinking about what changes I need to make to my life over the coming year.
The obvious and usual are top of the list.......''I really do need to lose weight and get more exercise'', nothing new there, I think that every year. But I suppose this year I should make more of an effort than I have in the past, my health really deserves it, needs it even. But on a more positive note; I'm going to try to do a lot more drawing and painting. At the moment I only seem to find time to do it in class but what I should be doing, is drawing and painting most days if not every day. What I would like, my own little dream, is to have enough work of sufficient quality to stage a small exhibition. This is something I am going to work toward.
Which brings me back to here.............my Multiply page and you..... my friends. This has all been such a wonderful experience for me this year, I have loved being online, getting involved in every thing, and getting to know every one. I think if I am serious about drawing a bit more and maybe taking an exercise class I shall have less time here. Less online time should just mean posting a bit less but still keeping in touch with people. At least thats they way I hope it pans out because I really have enjoyed every thing here over the last year and don't intend to lose it.
Oh...........another change, I am going back to restricting my posts to contacts only, at least for a while. This is due to the only blot on my happy Christmas experience. I've discovered a person who I don't much want contact with has been 'hanging' about my site, this person has set up their own multiply site in order to leave little messages for me, not quite sure why, but the easiest way of dealing with this is to keep my posts for network only. SO.............for a while at least that is what I'm going to do. I'm sure I've said this before in a similar situation but.........if you can't access anything just let me know and I'll add you as a contact.
There are of course the little glitches, or ''blips'' with multiply, odd things do happen and seem to be happening to more people more often, so my sincere New Year wish is for Multiply to sort out all of its little problems. At the moment I think I am one of the people who are receiving email alerts from ''Multiply friends'' offering dubious links. And of course I still can't use my media locker, that has been out of bounds to me for ages. Then there are the countless people who suddenly find they are unable to post or who double post every thing, or who can't comment..............etc etc etc.............the list goes on. BUT; despite all the little so called glitches I love the multiply experience and hope to spend next year building on it.
Well...............guess thats it for my post-Christmas Musings, guess the only thing left for me is to wish each and every one of you a very, very
Sometimes, life in my head is not easy. 